I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I
dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on
disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter
is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful.
I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and
AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to
call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill
needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check
your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.